Dear younger me
Dear younger me,
Life may seem difficult right now, but you’ll get through it. You can be sure of that! Life will give you many more lemons and you will learn to make lemonade of them. The key to this is not giving up and to keep going!
Right now you’re in the middle of highschool. You’re wearing a lot of black and are in a desperate search of yourself. You don’t feel happy at all and your health is not great either. You’re having more and more fevers and are feeling pain in your joints. If I had known then what I knew now it would all be so different as it is. Those fevers, that pain and all your other symptoms are caused by Fibromyalgia. The doctor you’re visiting has not thought of it because they think it’s all between your ears.
Years from now you’ll start a journey.. They will discover you have Fibromyalgia just because of the big mouth you’ve gotten. You will ask the doctors yourself to have this checked out. And you will be right about it. It’s Fibromyalgia and it will be diagnosed.
Talking about that big mouth of yours.. You already have one right now but it’ll become worse. You’ll become more self aware and you’ll gain more self confidence! Yay, we all know that you’ll need that. You really need to stop allowing them to bully you. You return home covered in bruises and you cry a lot. News flash, you’ll keep crying easily but learn how to stop the tears until you’re out of sight. But there is no shame in crying, sweetheart. Let those emotions out and let people see that they hurt you. School will be hard for the coming years. But when you turn 21 you’ll find a study that actually suits you. Don’t let people tell you what to do and do what feels right!
You’ve got many hobbies right now. One of them is writing and please keep doing that. I kept writing and now I even started my own blog. It’ll make you happy and it’ll help you give things a place when they bother you. You’ll just write it all off you. Another one of those things is reading, fleeing to another world. That won’t change either, darling.
Your little sister might bother you a lot right now and I know you’re frustrated with her. But a few years from now you’ll understand what is actually the problem and you’ll learn to live with it and live with her. She needs you, just keep that in the back of your head. Many things will happen in your family and you’ll deal with them.
Never lose your smile, your enthousiasm and your energy. That’s what makes you the person you are! Keep that smile on your face, keep running around as much as you can. I’m sad to tell you that at one point there will be times you can’t do that. Where you’re too tired and too much in pain. But you’ll also get through those times.
Right now you’re only concerned about getting through high school. You’ll be fine! Darling, you might think you’re dumb now because there are many things you don’t get. But in time you’ll discover that you’re not that dumb and gain even more confidence. When I think about it like this that has been one thing I’ve been really laking in my young years; self confidence. But don’t be too alarmed.. It’ll come in time! Many things will help you with this. I’ve already mentioned writing.
There is one thing you need to learn as soon as possible: Fuck everybody else! It’s your life and you have every right to be just as happy as they are. Fight for that right, don’t give up! Stop harming yourself in various ways. It’s not worth it, darling. When you have those suicidal thoughts again, think about the good things in live. Write them down. You’re stronger than those thoughts and you need to learn to believe in yourself. Think about your favorite things, read a book, write a poem, do something that you like.
You might be lonely right now, but those times will be soon over. You know Denise and Joshua? You met them when you were only 2 years old. They might be out of your life right now because of high school and all that, but they’ll come back to you. You’ll also make many more friends that’ll be with you for a very long time. Some of them you might dislike in the beginning. But you’ll learn to see the person deeper inside. You’ll learn so much in the years to come! You’ll also get a most darling boyfriend.
This letter is pretty much going everywhere, but there are so many things that I want to tell you about. From boys to your health. There are so many things that are going to happen. But I guess you’ll just have to go through it to really learn…
You’re still young, but you’ll get there. Just keep hanging on and believe in yourself.
Your older and happier self.