At the start of 2020, I displayed symptoms of a burnout or depression. At the end of March, I was diagnosed with depression, but they thought there was more than just that. This is when my journey to a diagnosis started and it’s still going strong.
What I thought was just a simple burn-out from work, turned out to be a full blown depression. I didn’t get out of bed anymore, didn’t find the reason to actually do things I used to love. My motivation was close to non-existent. Within two months of sitting at home on sick-leave they diagnosed me with depression.
But there was more…
Being told I am neurodiverse was not very easy for me, as I had absolutely no idea what to imagine with such a thing. My psychotherapist explained to me that ‘my brain worked differently than that of others’, which most definitely helped me to put things into perspective.
Borderline Personality Disorder
It took half a year before they came up with another diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn’t feel too confident with this diagnosis, as it came after just one appointment with a psychologist. She wanted to pull me off any other waiting lists I was on. At that moment I was waiting to get a call from the autism expert, as this was another one of the speculations that my psychotherapist had.
What’s going on right now?
Mid November I had my appointment with the autism expert, who explained to me my BPD diagnosis might be wrong. Turns out that females with Autism are often misdiagnosed with BPD. According to them Autism fits better than BPD. The only thing I can do now is wait for them to actually shine light on this whole situation. They are testing me on all fronts, including conversations with my mother and my partner. But if all goes right, then I will be having my diagnosis (or not?) by the end of January.
Quite honestly, I would be happy to have a diagnosis that actually feels like it fits, instead of just having one conversation with a so-called specialist that only lasted for like an hour, before they are putting a label on me. It’ll be a reassurance and I will be able to self-study about my diagnosis and learn how to cope with it.